Comino Hotel

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This year was our fourth holiday at Comino Hotel - which says it all, surely? No? You want details - oh, OK then, here goes.
Firstly the travel and transfer. We flew from Birmingham with Air Malta, as we get to park for free at our daughter's house (not a facility you're likely to benefit from, admittedly), plus we like Birmingham International - it's got a dinky little monorail system to take you from train station to airport! The flight was the usual cramped boring affair, but the check in guys use a little bit of common sense, and me being over 6' and slightly bigger than normal (alright - fat!) they usually give me a seat with a bit more room without me having to ask.
On landing at Malta Airport, we collected our bags and walked out into the main hall. There we quickly spotted our travel operators desk, made ourselves known, and within minutes were in an air-conditioned minibus for the 45 minute drive across Malta. This is the only bit of the journey unsuitable for those of a nervous disposition, as Maltese driving is not exactly text book standard! We arrived at the ferry harbour of Kirkewaa on the northern tip of the island, and our ferry was waiting for us. A 20 minute trip across the water and we were stepping off onto what we consider our own little piece of heaven.
After checking in, we were driven the half mile or so to our bungalow (or suite as they now call them), as we prefer not to be in the main hotel building. As we like to travel late, and arrived after dinner, a sandwich was waiting for us, and chilled bottled water, and after a quick nibble, we went to bed. And so - the holiday itself.
Now, the nice thing about staying in the bungalow suites is that there's less noise than we imagine there is in the hotel, so you tend to wake up when your appetite does. Sling the bare minimum of "decency" clothing on, a 100 yard stroll, and you're on the breakfast patio ready for tea or coffee, fried or scrambled eggs, bacon sausages, tomatoes, cereal and toast - whatever gets you through the morning! The head waiter at the bungalows, John, is unfailingly cheerful whatever the temperature, and no matter how busy he is. Like all the staff on Comino, he remembers the regulars from year to year, and seems genuinely pleased to see you back again.
After breakfast, back to the bungalow to change in to swimming gear, collect fins and snorkel, towels (big, fluffy beach towels provided by the hotel) and then a ten minute stroll over to the main hotel complex to grab a sun-lounger by the pool. (There is a pool and loungers over at the bungalow restaurant complex, but we like to watch what's going on - nosy, that's what we are!)
Being all inclusive, local drinks are free, and so as soon as we get there, (about 11am if we rush, about 1105am if we don't) we get the first round in, so as to set the relaxed tone for the rest of the day.
The meals at Comino are great. Lunchtime starters are usually fresh salad, cold meat, perhaps some fish or sea food, and the mains vary from good old roast beef, to locally caught fish, octopus, rabbit, and for the less adventurous, there's is usually something and chips - but let's not go there - the local stuff is so tasty it seems a real shame not to try it. Desserts centre round tarts of some sort, mousses, or plain old-fashioned ice cream.
Dinners are much the same as lunchtimes, but the main courses are a little grander, and there is somehow, don't ask me how, a more "civilized", formal attitude, even though absolutely no-one dresses for dinner beyond perhaps putting on a casual shirt rather than a T-shirt.
What can you do on Comino? Well, to put it bluntly - not a lot! It is the ultimate chill out antidote to modern living. For a start, no one rushes. Anything more than a slow stroll looks horribly out of place, and given that this year the temperature was close to 40C a lot of the time, could be positively uncomfortable. There is a water sports beach, where as an all inclusive guest you can take out a canoe, pedalo, or windsurfing board, and the guys in charge give you some basic instruction. You can, if you have a clue how to do it, take out a small Hobbie sailing dinghy or catamaran, but that seems like terribly hard work in that heat. By far the most popular pastime among the guests is swimming (or at least being in the water), and a lot of people go snorkeling, but that's about as energetic as it gets (and I have to admit the effort of pulling my fins on sometimes tires me so much I have to have a snooze before I actually get in the water!)
If you have energy to burn (God forbid I should meet you), there is a fully equipped PADI dive school to help you tire yourself out.
The staff on Comino seem to have only one item on their job descriptions - force you to be happy!
They all speak excellent English, have great senses of humour, and go out of their way to accommodate you if you have a need for assistance (last year the lady who runs the shop made a special trip from her home to the capital of Gozo just to get me the particular cigars I smoked - and only charged me what she was charging for ordinary cigarettes - I could have kissed her, but her husband's a big bloke).

So how would I sum up Comino? If you need to relax, chill out, catch up on your reading, meet nice people (we haven't yet met anyone we really disliked) and go back to the real world wondering why everyone's always in such a hurry, it's the place for you. If you need to be entertained, kept busy, and having new adventures - well, you need treatment rather than a holiday.
The staff are brilliant at their jobs, the travel/transfer system is totally painless, the food and drink is terrific, the weather is unbelievably warm and dry, and within hours of getting home we had pre-booked our visit for next year - beat that!