The Royal Hotel

The Royal Hotel Ventnor boasts AA four start and two rosettes, recent refurbishment and an attractive looking garden. My wife telephoned the day before and were offered two nights for £226 B+B, bit steep but according to hype it could be worth it.
We arrived at the hotel to find reasonable first impressions, the entrance hall is very large and impressive. I was slightly puzzled by a glance to right which revealed some very cheap looking tables in the bar area. After requesting a king size bed we moved into room 39.
The room was very small with barely enough space to walk around. There were two pieces of cheap looking classic furniture and two tired looking easy chairs. The dressing table and the bed head looked like home made timber constructions covered in fabric. In fact a peak under the dressing table skirts revealed a simple softwood stucture. The wardrobe was a small painted built-in unit with a small mirror inside one of the doors. Two small bedside tables were either badly home made or a cheap far eastern import with crooked and rickety draws assembled with nails. There was also a TV on a glass stand possible not high enough for viewing in bed. The door to the room was remarkably warped and ill fitting and offered no sound resistance. There where no ornaments or anything to give the room a feeling of comfort or welcome. There was no wifi network.
The bathroom was reasonably roomy, however the bath was very narrow and with plastic curtain doubled as a shower. The shower worked reasonably well but you had to stand on the bath plug, close to the taps. When standing sideways the base of the bath was no wider than my size 12 feet. There was no extractor fan, only a small window facing windward, so you where guaranteed to share your bathroom smells with the room (and due to the ill fitting door) probably the corridor beyond.
In my opinion this room was the standard of a budget B+B making the charge of £226 per night quite astounding.
We went to relax in the garden on a lounger and ordered a drink. At first glance the internet images the garden looks quite large, stretching up a steep bank to the horizon. In fact a hedge across the middle of the picture marks the position of a quite noisy road. We decided that spending some time relaxing the in garden was not an option so looked forward to enjoying the much heralded evening meal.
The dinner menu looked very impressive at first glance, it would cost us £25 each if it was committed to with the room charge, or £38 each otherwise. We plumped for the £25 option. We are not great food connoisseurs but have a very good sense of taste and very much appreciate good flavours.
To start I had quail on a caremalised onion tart (mainly because I hadn’t had quail before) and my wife had salmon and scrambled egg on half a muffin. The whole of my quail dish tasted of a burnt bitter taste and I didn’t eat any of it. My wife’s dish was oozing lashing of butter from the muffin and the taste of butter flavoured the whole dish, unfortunately butter if one of my wife’s pet hates so a few nibbles of the top was all she managed.
I then had roast duck breast on the onion tart again, with a duck leg ravioli. The vegetables consisted of a thin trail of tasteless carrot mush in an artistic shape. The shredded duck leg in the ravioli was tasteless and the ravioli cases contributed only a slimy texture. The 4 tiny slices of duck breast (approx 8cm by 3 cm) where not remarkable but at least edible. The onion tartlet has the same burnt bitter taste as previously so I left it. At least I’d had the duck pieces so far!
My wife was more fortunate and chose a chicken dish which she found edible but unremarkable.
For sweet I chose the poached pear and ginger ice-cream. This consisted of a stack comprising a puff pastry with a streak of thick creamy custard on it, a thin cross section of pear and a ball of ice-cream. The pear and the ice-cream were delicious but the custard and puff pastry didn’t seem to go, in fact swallowing the crispy puff pastry flakes with the other soft components was distinctly uncomfortable as the pastry flakes scoured the throat. My wife had a dish of four different types of chocolate, these where very nice except for a mousse in a glass which was bitter and acidic. I tried this since I love my 85% chocolate but the acidity of the dish made it quite unpleasant.

We found the meal a bizzare experience. Beautifully presented with no regard to taste or texture. . I suspect the onion was burnt rather than caramelized. A simple two full halves of poached pear with the ginger ice-cream would have been sensational. Why no vegetables, we had an excellent meal the following night at the Ale and Oyster which included amazingly tasty carrots and potatoes. With tasty food, fancy presentation is a delight, with bad food it is an insult.
We had a reasonably comfortable night and thankfully the road noise subsided.
In the morning we checked out and moved into the totally amazing Winterbourne House where £190 per night bought us a huge, beautiful and luxurious suite with large sitting room, spacious bedroom and a totally tranquil and relaxing environment. We dined at the Ale and Oyster and the Laconsfield Hotel which provided very pleasurable experiences.
It puzzles me how the Royal got its stars and rosettes. May be there are amazing rooms tucked away somewhere? Maybe the chef has left or was away that night? In any case £270 was a ridiculous amount of money for what was provided for one night.
The only positive note is that we found the staff to be professional, helpful and pleasant.