Coronas Playa Hotel

If you are looking for a four-star quality hotel with the standards and facilities you would expect from this rating, look further than this hotel. I have no idea what aspect the inspectors considered suitable in their scoring to award this accolade. In almost every respect from food, service, beds, bedding and appearance, this place is at best a 2-3 star location.
The hotel is a fading star in the modern hotel landscape. It appears to have been built when concrete was fashionable, and when the facilities would have been so good, that guests would never venture away from the complex.
As it is, the appearance from the sea front is reminiscent of a WW2 armed pill-box and is far from attractive or welcoming. From the main road the reception is compact and marble lined, and on first appearance the staff are warm and welcoming. Only when they have checked you in do the antenna first start to quiver. When is the last time that you checked in to a 4 star hotel and then had to return to reception (and pay a deposit!) for the TV remote control, security key and towels?
Unfortunately, while there the weather was poor and the rain caused frequent power cuts. The hotel does have back-up power, though this is restricted to emergency lighting and the main admin centre. The attitude of staff is a shrug of the shoulders and a “it happens” response. This unfortunately is their stock answer to all comments and complaints. From the rock-hard beds, ridiculous pillows, threadbare linen, lack of hot water (every day!!), electronic door locks that don’t work, broken gym equipment, and truly, appallingly slow service at all of their (well staffed) bars, the attitude is the same. I won’t dwell on the evening “entertainment”, though if you enjoy amateur night out at your local club, you will be quite happy.
Another real thorn in the flesh is the canteen. I certainly would not glorify the place with a restaurant title as it is far from that. Every meal is a self-service buffet, with waiting staff on hand to sell you drinks and (eventually) clear your plates. While the place is pleasant enough, the background music is constantly added to by the steady addition of the sound of clattering plates, cutlery and glasses as each waiter apparently takes the opportunity to audition for the worst juggler in the world, with the subsequent breakages that ensue. This is further evidenced by the chipped plates and glasses that account for the majority of the stock.
The food itself appears to be driven by Thomson’s and geared to a palate devoid of any sense of taste. The breakfasts are aimed at traditional “full-English” and other meals are an interesting mixture of English basics with a Spanish twist. More often than not the food is cold, bland and unappetising. The gala meals are basically the same with more garnish and the staff dressed up differently.
One word on the staffs Mrs Doyle look-alike who feverishly prowls the canteen with her eyes set on “cheering up” the more elderly patrons and giving them a quick snog. Why? If you had this demented harpy wandering your local favourite eating house, you would very quickly have her put in to care.
There are some gems on the staff that make the rest of them look truly as poor as they are. The place is kept clean by the very pleasant cleaning crew, and two of the waiting staff know what they are there for.
As it was, we paid a premium price for a very low standard hotel that failed on most of the basic levels of customer care or service. The hotels Monkey Bar waiter, with a glower for everyone and the stress of serving up to four customers at a time etched on every line on his forehead, sums this place up: Keep you waiting, make you think they are doing you a favour and then sticking you with a 4-star bill for a mediocre service.
Do not go.