Telemachos Hotel

We arrived back in the UK this morning after spending a week in Paxos (tiny island off Corfu coast and poles apart from mainland Corfu). Due to our flight times and the hydrofoil crossing Olympic put us up for 9 hours at the Telemachos and I have to say that was 9 hours too long. The hotel reception is very tired looking with the obligatory mirror tiles and fake plants. A very odd looking 'fake tree' suspended from the ceiling adorned with plastic animals, flowers and crystals. Polystyrene ceiling tiles are intermittently painted with vivid green gloss and the artwork looks to have been hanging for decades.
There are magazines available with a very curt notice stating they are strictly for purchase only and woe betide anyone who so much as leafs through one! The stand was moved completely later in the evening. There is a small gift shop selling the usual classy 'souvenirs'. We decided to spend some time around the pool (which to be fair is ok) just to kill time, however come 7pm were virtually tipped of our sun beds as they were stacking them away for the day. I offered to stack my own sun bed when I was finished but to no avail. At this point I toyed with the idea of taking a swim but alas at that point the bar manager asked the 3 remaining swimmers to vacate the pool, presumably this is banned after 7pm as well!
We noticed many guests wearing wristbands so are guessing the hotel operates an all inclusive option. This may explain as to why the hotel doesn't possess any pint glasses, you are only 'allowed' halves. I suppose this is better than the plastic cups which the drinks from the snack bar are served up in.
The hotel is located at one end of Dassia as opposed to the resort centre, up bit of a hill. We ventured out to get something to eat to be faced with crossing a road which quite frankly may as well be the M25, I felt as though I was dicing with death just to make it to the opposite side! If you don't mind eating to the sound of mopeds and transfer coaches then you're ok.
Although we didn't venture far Dassia seems consist of the central strip peppered with kebab shop, bar, tat shop, kebab shop, bar, tat shop and so on, if you like that classic Greek menu of fish and chips, pizza and chips, nuggets and chips, burger and chips then you'll be fine. Post evening meal we gathered around the pool bar as there was live entertainment. Not entirely sure we were meant to be laughing as the duo were singers rather than comedians but they sure as hell were funny, do you remember the pub singer from Vic Reeves show? Still unsure what songs they were singing and in which language.
With the exception of the new room block I personally would say the entire complex needs a revamp. The reception area in particular is very 1970's, dated and tacky. The staff were abrupt (maybe because we weren't paying guests who knows). The hotel seems very regimented in terms of what you can do and when you can do it.
At the risk of sounding like a complete snob and probably being burned at the stake by Telemachos regulars I think as the hotel is only a 2 star and is of the beer, chips and plastic umbrellas in your cocktail mentality it attracts that kind of 'clientle'ie football shirts, England tattoos, large gold hoop earrings. I know that plenty of people enjoy that kind of holiday and at the end of the day if that's what you turn up wanting and expecting then you'll have great fun and won't be disappointed. If you want Butlins with guaranteed sunshine then you can't go far wrong.